About the Talk
November 5, 2015 12:00 AM
Portsmouth, EnglandPortsmouth, England
Meir Ezra - If you were afraid of nothing, what goals would you set?
Fear stops success. For example, a man who wants to get married, but is afraid of women, will probably not get married. His fear stops him from reaching his goal.
If you want to run a business, you will fail if you are afraid of making big decisions. If you want to be a doctor, you cannot be afraid of sick people. If you want to succeed as an athlete, you cannot be afraid of hard, painful practice.
Fear of anything can ruin your success: fear of rejection, fear of being excluded, fear of paperwork, fear of speaking to groups, fear of anger, fear of stating the truth, fear of asking for money, fear of responsibility, fear of being attacked, fear of looking stupid, fear of pain, fear of displeasing someone and more.
With no fear in your life, what could you accomplish?
The Only Way to Remove a Fear Is to Face the Fear
"Definition: Fear is a state of imperception*; fear is an unwillingness to confront." -- L. Ron Hubbard (imperception = not perceiving; no awareness)
When something scares you, you cannot perceive it very well. Your awareness is reduced. You do not look at it.
To dissolve a fear, you must face it, confront it, experience it, perceive it, look it in the eye. Until you do this, the fear persists.
If you let a fear control you, you will avoid it, ignore it, alter it or run away from it.
For example, Bob is terrified that his son is homosexual. Bob's friend comes up to him and says, "So Bob, I hear your son is gay. Is that true?"
Bob has five options:
Avoid it: "My son? Oh, he's moving to ."
Ignore it: "So how are your kids doing?"
Alter it: "No, he just dresses well."
Run away from it: "Oops! Look at the time! I've got to go. Bye."
Face it: "Yes, my son is gay."
Only the last option dissolves Bob's fear. It makes Bob happier than the other options. He can also be more successful as a father.
What scares you? Which of these five options do you use to deal with it?
Afraid to Offend is afraid of offending people. Because of her fear, she cannot reach her goal to be a manager. Instead, she is stuck in a low-paying, boring, computer typing job.
Sometimes, ignores conflicts. For example, a worker in the next cubicle plays loud music. gets some earplugs.
Sometimes alters the problem. For example, returns to her desk to see a co-worker looking in her drawers. The co-worker says, "I'm looking for a pen." later notices $20 is missing. She alters what she knows has happened and says, "I must have left the cash at home."
So decides to change her life and face her fears. She walks over to the next cubicle, looks directly at the worker and says, "Please turn down the music." The worker is stunned and turns off the radio. then goes to the other co-worker and says, "I'm missing $20 that was in my desk before you went through it. Do you have it?" The co-worker says, "Oh, yes, I meant to ask, can I could borrow it?" says, "Sorry, I need it today" and gets her $20 back.
feels great! She decides to go face her boss and ask for the management training she has always wanted.
You can do the same with any of your own fears. You might think facing a fear will make the situation worse. You might think that facing the fear might even kill you.
But is living as a coward really a life?
Write down one of your fears. Go try to confront it. Continue until you face it completely.
Each time you face a fear, it gets easier. If you continue to confront the source fear, the feeling eventually disappears.
When you look fear in the face, you gain strength, courage and confidence.
Confronting your fears not only helps you succeed, it makes you happier.
"To be happy, one only must be able to confront, which is to say, experience those things that are." -- L. Ron Hubbard